


everything okay until dawn

by eliotkeats



Category: Everyman HYBRID
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:43:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliotkeats/pseuds/eliotkeats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing like four a.m. thoughts to depress you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything okay until dawn

The fluorescent numbers on his bedside clock blink 4:34.  His eyes burn from lack of sleep, and it feels like he's rolled, curled, and contorted himself into every possible position on his not-uncomfortable mattress.  The house is silent - dead silent, his mind supplies, unhelpfully.  He lies on his back and stares at the ceiling, and thinks, and, yeah; it's a bad idea.  But the house is too quiet.  He doesn't know where his family's gone, and oddly enough, it doesn't bother him the way it should.  A quiet sense of something missing, a fuzzy, muted phantom limb syndrome so dull it almost feels like an afterthought.  Dimly, he knows he should be more concerned.  But somehow, he's not.  Somehow, he's almost glad.  It's one thing he's _not_ worrying about.    
  
As far as he knows, he's one of the people with the most knowledge about what happened (is happening) to them, and _he_ knows next to nothing.  That's ... scary.  There's pieces and fragments of pieces, and the itch in the back of his mind saying they must fit together somehow, but it feels like trying to get rid of a beach by carrying the sand away in his hands; everything's slipping between his fingers and it's on all sides of him and he can't, just, _can't_ , spread himself that far.    
  
In games, in books, in movies, the roles are clearly defined.  Here is the hero, here is the villain.  Here is the love interest, the sidekick, the comic relief, the red shirts -- and everyone they know seems to fall into the latter category, he thinks.  But this is real life (as far as he can tell) and he doesn't have a clearly assigned role, a quest, a character arc (unless it's developing depression and paranoia) or an endgame that's as yet visible.  If he's supposed to do something - because, destiny, divine will, twist of fate, cosmic joke - he doesn't have a clue what, much less how.  He doesn't know how he's going to save anyone else when he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep himself alive.  
  
He can't keep Evan, his best friend (only friend, now) safe, because that _thing's_ in his head and Vinny doesn't know how to get it out.  Every time Evan starts awake, wide-eyed and panicked, from a daze that's not quite sleep, yelling for Vinny (the first time, he'd been near tears when Vinny found him, explained, _I thought you were fuckin dead too, Vinny_ ) or appears in the morning, dark smudges beneath his eyes, Vinny bites back everything he knows he should say.  But it's like his family.  The concern is there but there's a haze over it, something softening its edges, making it easier but no less bitter to swallow.  He wants to say _I'm sorry_ but he can't.  He wants to say, _I know I'm the one you guys_ (guys, plural, ha) _looked to for answers_ , but he can't because his mind is screaming, _fucking WHY, why do you come to ME, I don't know anymore than you do_  
  
In a way, he envies Steph, for doing what Jeff described as making herself ignorant.  Somehow, she managed to shove all the shit that happened to her to the back of her mind, at least for a while.  Medication and refusing to acknowledge it and cutting herself off from all things connected to it.  And, sure, it didn't work, because the universe wants them to suffer together, apparently.  It's no long term solution, it's not even a solution; it's temporarily avoiding something Vinny's starting to wonder if they _ever_ had a chance of avoiding, but ignorance sounds blissful, at this point.  
  
Nothing like four a.m. thoughts to depress you.    
  
Except it's now 5 a.m.  Evan's sleeping on the couch in the basement, and the door to Vinny's room is locked, the key on his nightstand glinting in the moonlight.  As his eyelids finally begin to droop shut, he really hopes Evan doesn't wake him up screaming again.  


End file.
